Whether you live in Oaxaca or vacation here on a regular
basis, if you’ve begun to integrate into the community,
eventually you’ll be asked to be a padrino or madrina
(godparent) to an ahijado or ahijada (godchild), so you’d
better familiarize yourself with “compadrazgo”,
or co-godparenthood. In a nutshell, it’s a web of
mutual rights and obligations of monumental importance throughout
Mexico and elsewhere, both in urban centers and rural communities,
cutting across and permeating virtually all socio-economic
strata. One chooses who will be his or her lifetime compadres,
the cornerstone of compadrazgo.
If someone is asked to be a padrino of a child upon baptism,
it creates a new bond between two families, solidified by
the creation of compadres. The parents and grandparents
of the child become compadres to the padrinos (at times
extending to their children…i.e. compadritos.) While
family members are frequently asked to be padrinos, often
friends, neighbors and business acquaintances are selected,
as a means of strengthening ties which already exist. Academic
writings, confirmed by my personal experience, suggest that
while as a godparent you have lifelong obligations to your
godchild which may or may not ever be called upon, it’s
the ties between compadres which on a regular basis can
come into play.
Let’s examine other occasions when you might find
yourself asked to be a godparent, obligations which may
fall upon you at the time, and finally how your new status
as a compadre manifests, and keeps on ticking. Why you and
not someone else? To understand we must look at the pool
of prospective choices from which you may be selected. My
perspective may appear cynical, but is fact based and proven,
using a functionalism model.
Godparents are selected for both religious and secular
rites of passage, for godchildren ranging from infant to
adult. In Oaxaca the most common events where custom dictates
godparents be chosen are marriages, school graduations,
girls’ 15th birthday celebrations (quince años),
confirmations, first communions and baptisms. Sometimes
but not always, there may be a financial commitment involved,
where for example as padrinos of a wedding or quince años
a couple may be asked or simply volunteer to contribute
to the cost of the affair. But don’t worry, financial
obligations may be shared amongst several godparents. A
case in point involved my wife and me. When asked to be
godparents at the wedding of the son of then merely acquaintances,
our mouths dropped, whereupon after a pregnant pause the
request was concluded with “…of the rings.”
This meant that we were responsible for buying the wedding
bands, while another couple was being honored with being
the primary padrinos of the newlyweds. In fact you can be
asked to be godparents of (for purchasing) the cake, liquor,
flowers, and the list goes on, depending often upon the
financial ability of the people throwing the function, and
in the case of individuals with resources, whether or not
they want to bestow a special honor at that particular point
in time of the already-existing relationship. You may be
asked to make a speech, give a blessing, dance with the
bride/groom or quince añera, almost always being
an active participant depending on circumstances. If you’re
not Catholic, don’t take communion or kneel, let your
soon-to-be compadres know, even if it appears there won’t
be a religious component to the proceedings. There will
likely be a padre involved. For example, on occasion one
finds padrinos chosen within the context of the opening
of a new business. As part of the ribbon-cutting ceremony,
the padre may be in attendance to give and direct blessings.
Personally, this Jew doesn’t object to having a little
holy water splashed on him by the padre...as long as it’s
as a result of inadvertence.
Padrinos are almost always selected from people of the
same or a higher socio-economic class. For example, a factory
worker may select the supervisor of her department to be
her daughter’s padrino at a baptism, but the corollary
would rarely occur. A maker of alebrijes in Arrazola may
ask a wealthy patron / shop-owner from Mexico City to be
godmother to her daughter and future son-in-law at their
wedding, but the opposite would be out of the question.
And you may be similarly asked, by a Oaxacan friend / neighbor,
a perhaps perceived equal, but for different reasons. Functions
regarding the foregoing three examples? Bonds of friendship
are acknowledged and strengthened for future utility; a
patron-customer relationship is affirmed with comfort in
now knowing that it will continue ad infinitum; and there
will be the perception that a boss won’t fire a compadre.
Your status as a compadre begins immediately, and you may
never again be referred to by your name, but rather “compadre.”
You’ll experience the metamorphosis of your status,
and will be treated differently. As an otherwise extranjero,
you may feel as though you’ve come of age in Oaxaca.
Compadres give and receive more invitations. Favors may
be asked of you more readily and of a different type, with
an expectation of compliance, if not the most careful consideration…and
just as importantly, you will come to feel more comfortable
making requests of your compadres…borrowing a truck,
helping out with an arduous household chore, lending money,
housing a relative temporarily, providing counsel in trying
times, receiving preferential treatment in business or politics.
By the end of our first year of permanent residency in Oaxaca,
of the foregoing we lacked personal experience in only the
matter of politics.
In terms of the broader societal importance of compadrazgo,
the number of kinship ties you have is relatively finite,
and usually beyond your control. However, for as many life
stages and changes as may arise, one’s immediate family
has the opportunity to extend non-relative or “fictive”
kinship ties through deliberate selection. One is able to
build and nurture through mutual requests and compliance
innumerable economic and social alliances.
Here in Mexico no one ever utters “you can pick your
friends but not your family.” The strategies and decision-making
processes involved in determining who would make appropriate
compadres for a family, and why, are absolutely fascinating.
I’ve touched upon only some of the dynamics. The internet
and traditional anthropological literature are exhaustive
and should be consulted by those interested or thrust into
the system.
Alvin Starkman together with wife Arlene operates
Casa Machaya Oaxaca Bed & Breakfast . Alvin received
his masters in social anthropology in 1978, and his law
degree in 1984. Thereafter he was a litigator in Toronto
until taking early retirement. He and his family were frequent
visitors to Oaxaca between 1991 and when they became permanent
residents in 2004. Alvin reviews restaurants, writes about
life and cultural traditions in Oaxaca, and tours couples
and families to the villages.
